Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.