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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there