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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
drinks well with others.