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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.