Daily Silly Status

Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.

I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.

When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life

I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.

You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?

I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.

have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.

WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.

I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary

Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*

Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.

There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.

For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!

I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.

thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.