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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.