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It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.