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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so Iām just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.