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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
I just gotta believe that as a species we`re capable of making an automatic hand dryer that`s quieter than an airplane.
Iām taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
I want it all and I want it delivered.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...