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I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
No. My hair magically got shorter.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.