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If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...