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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.