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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?