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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops