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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
"May the 4th" be with you!
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?