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I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat