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Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Hard butter is the devil.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"