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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
My whole life is based on a true story...