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Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?