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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.