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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.