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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
is "insert clever remark here."
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
My life coach just benched me.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.