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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.