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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I grew up for this?
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
My house has really let itself go.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."