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I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.