Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.