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I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas...
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
Do you really have to breath that much?