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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.