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To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks