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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.