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So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)