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I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.