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Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.