Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I donโt want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
If stress burned calories, Iโd be a super model.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend youโre listening.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.