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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.