Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...