Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.