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I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I`m going to a different cafe.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal