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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
I never said I was better than everyone else, just better than you.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.