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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.