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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, Iād remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
It should really be called teethpaste.
Today`s subliminal thought is: ā¦
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.