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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
bras are booby-traps
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"