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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.