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My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
I`m going to hire two private detectives to follow each other .
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun