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I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. ā The Opportunist