Daily Silly Status

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?

So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"

I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.

What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.

I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.

"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home

I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.

All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.

If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?

I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)

I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.

I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.

OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!