Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
If I rapped I would have to start doing way more stuff because only so many things rhyme with couch.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
I’m tired of things costing money.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.