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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Iām not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.