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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Iām giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Iām back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....