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A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!