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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.