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My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.