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I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"