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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.