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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
My inner self is in Photoshop
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.