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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.