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My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Save water- shower with me!
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.