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Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.