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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”