Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium