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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
is available for rebound sex.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.