Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.