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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.