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Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.