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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.