Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.