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The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.