Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.