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“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.