Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.