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Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.